Tuesday's Tips #8

There's nothing like the good old "insert foot into mouth" feeling, is there! Here are a couple of tips on things you should avoid saying, and what to say instead:

When trying to compliment someone:

Wrong thing to say:

"Wow you look good tonight!" 

Why you shouldn't say it:

The person might very well take offense and wonder "do I really look that bad other days??"

What you should say instead:

"Wow you look particularly good tonight!" or "You look really great in that outfit!"

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When trying to empathize with someone:

Wrong thing to say:

"I know exactly how you feel! I've had the same thing happen to me."

Why you shouldn't say it:

It shifts the focus of the conversation onto yourself and your experience rather than the person telling the story and invalidates the person's story

What to say instead:

Ask the person about their experience and keep the focus on them, provide a listening ear

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When trying to take back or excuse a rude comment:

Wrong thing to say:

"It was just a joke!" or "Don't take things so seriously!"

Why you shouldn't say it:

The person you have offended is now completely unable to express their annoyance or defend themselves because if they do they're just going to prove that they "Can't Take a Joke"

What to say instead:

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you, I take that back." 

OR just don't say anything rude to begin with :)

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Here are some more faux paus that we often say unthinkingly when speaking about others who are different from us. Avoid these at all cost!

“Some of my best friends are (white, black, Asian)…”

“I don’t think of you as…”

“What do ‘your’ people think?”

“What are you?” or “Where are you ‘really’ from?”

“People with disabilities are courageous.”

“I don’t see difference. We’re all part of the same race,
the human race.”

“I don’t care if you are pink, purple, or orange, I treat all
people the same.”

*the gist of these thoughts are taken from the book called "35 Dumb Things Well Intended People Say" by Maura Cullen