Neuro Patients Say the Funniest Things

I always start assessing my patient by asking them the three orientation questions related to person, place, and time. I get a flavored variety of answers, some very amusing. Actually, most conversations in general with neuro patients tend to be on the humorous side. :)

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Nurse Bean: “ Hello John! My name’s Irene and I’ll be your nurse tonight. Can you tell me what’s your last name and where you are?”

John: “Smith. And as far as I can tell, we’re somewhere in South America fighting off desperados who are hunting us down.."

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Nurse Bean: “So you used to be a mayor eh Phillis? Neato! I’ve never met a mayor before.”

Phillis: “Yeah well now you can say you’ve wiped the [behind] of a mayor! This can be your claim to fame.”

*At this point I and the other nurse helping me had to stifle our giggles as we completed her care

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Young guy with head injury: “Ok guys. Come on. You gotta let me go home. I gotta go to work. I can’t just sit around here all day doing nothing. You don't know me. I need to work! What am I doing here? I’m not doing anything! All I do is lay in bed all day.” At which point I direct him back to his bed and he falls asleep for another 3 hours only to repeat the same conversation again. 

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Young guy #2 with head injury obsessed with fishing:

Nurse Bean: “Hi Joe how are you? Are you having any pain? Can you tell me where you are?”

Joe: “Heeeey. Nah I’m good. I feel great. This is awesome. We’re pulling in so many big ones. Man, I’ve been out here all afternoon fishing with my buddy and it’s been awesome.”

*He lays back down in bed with a sigh and contented grin on his face.

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Upon checking on a patient at 5am while his nurse is on break, I discover that not only is his IV tubing ripped in half but the tubing from the JP drain in his head is also ripped apart!

Nurse Bean: “Reed! What have you done? Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. You’ve been busy in here haven’t you?”

Reed: “Hello there lassie,” Reed replies in a chipper English accent. “Well, I have gotten myself into quite a mess ‘aven’t I?” 

*I can't help but grin as I get to work fixing him back up.